


This is what we're fighting for

by redlipsredledger



Series: Are you lost without me too? [4]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 3 parts coming together, Assassins being human, BAMF Bobbi Morse, BAMF Clint Barton, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Culmination of events, Danger, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Please don't die, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Reunions, Yelena needs help understanding, dangerous mission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipsredledger/pseuds/redlipsredledger
Summary: So! This is the big ol' culmination of the other 3 parts. It'll be a whole massive thing that is very complicated and expansive and feelzy so just... bear with me!Everyone finds their way to Bobbi's place much to her obvious apprehension, she hasn't been around this many people in a hell of a long time but they all realise quickly that they all need each other. They needed to find their way together so they can survive the storm that's yet to come... While some fight to make it through the day others fight to find their way back to one another against impossible and heartbreaking odds and only one thing is for sure: Everything is about to change forever.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: Are you lost without me too? [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607218
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Bullets past the armor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi Morse is not the hostess type so when she's informed Steve Rogers and Sharon Carter are seeking sanctuary with her and Clint with two stragglers in tow one of whom is a former HYDRA assassin, she decides regardless of the dangers that may be posed to give them a place to hide out after all, their end game is the same: They all want to stop the raging chaos that has been their lives since the fall of SHIELD and their best bet really is to work together...
> 
> After they earn the trust of the assassin anyway but Bobbi is a tenacious pain in the ass and she doesn't give up easily nor do Steve or Sharon, home may not be something Bucky Barnes has had in a really long time but now he has people around him that are determined he won't face his demons alone.

Bobbi hadn't seen Sharon Carter in about 3 years, she'd never met Steve Rogers or Sam Wilson and she sure as hell had never met their assassin friend. She found herself somewhat edgy about the whole thing but she maintained her cool on the outside; spies were trained better than to let their emotions get the best of them and she was very well trained indeed. She was slightly dubious about the whole assassin-thing though.

By this point she was aware of who The Winter Soldier was because it was utterly impossible not to and she was aware of his connections to HYDRA and most people for that reason would consider him a house guest that they did _not_ want but Bobbi wasn't most people.

Former connections; she reminded herself that it was his former connections. She was also aware that it was what he'd done that had been instrumental in bringing down SHIELD but she knew that needed to happen too, the corruptions ran too deep and now all of them were left to wonder who the hell they'd been working for all along and who they'd killed for because at some point or another each one of them had... Even her. Kill missions were rare but if you were considered one of their top agents at some point you'd done it.

She worried too though that what she was wasn't as much of a secret as she hoped it was. So far no one had said anything or tried to use it against her though so that was good. It was still relatively early days though so she really didn't know whether to strike that off of her list of worries.

Cue the whole reason that she was hiding out in a snow covered mountain house with her ex husband playing apparent hostess now to wayward heroes, assassins and agents. See? It all came around in one big circle of what the hell! She glanced toward the monitors in her security room (Yes it was smart to have one of those even all the way out here, it had cost her a pretty penny upping the security on this place) and she watched the approaching crowd with a gentle sigh as she made her way out and into the living room again in time to hear someone knock at the door, she looked toward Clint who shrugged his shoulder silently telling her that it was her house.

She was never good at playing hostess not even back at her apartment. She shot him a glare but walked over to open the door anyway making a mental note to kick his ass for that later. Jerk. Her eyes fell on Sharon and Steve first and she offered her friend a warm smile as Sharon stepped forward and hugged her. If it were anyone but someone she actually liked she might have told them to go away but she actually happened to like Sharon Carter. She wasn't usually a hugger.

"It's good to see you, Bobbi." Sharon spoke softly as she stepped back and studied her.

Sharon seemed altogether relieved that she didn't look hurt or like she'd gotten hurt but then again they'd had a little while to heal while being holed up out here which was good. Here was safe. Bobbi looked altogether relaxed in a pair of jogging pants, a tank top - which she'd have thought was strange given the weather out here but it was Bobbi and she'd seen her do far weirder things than this - and a pair of socks, Sharon took her casual attire as a good thing. She looked just like she had at her apartment back in New York when she'd stopped by once or twice. It had been years ago though.

"You too, stranger." Bobbi responded with an easy smile as she stepped back and opened the door properly.

"C'mon, get inside before you freeze your asses off." She studied each person as they walked past her.

The last one in was who she guessed was the aforementioned former assassin. He seemed wary of everyone even Steve, the man that she'd been informed had been to great lengths to save his life and had been his best friend since childhood and she felt sympathy for him in that moment. She could tell he was lost. She could tell that everything he'd known was starting to crumble away and he was starting to realise that the falsehoods that had made up decades of his life had been hell and he'd lost more than just himself at that. They'd robbed him of all sense of identity.

He looked at her and assessed her carefully as he walked inside and she did nothing but keep a relaxed posture and a calm smile on her features. She shut the door once everyone was inside though and studied them all one by one. Everyone - aside from looking tired and cold - looked alive and well enough so that was good.

"There are enough rooms for everyone, go get showered and out of your wet clothes and we'll whip up food and hot drinks." She could tell the offer of kindness shocked Bucky.

He recoiled a little. Steve noticed immediately because he offered him a warm smile.

"It's okay, you're safe here." He was trying to be soothing.

Bobbi however knew from years of extensive training in watching peoples body language that it hadn't worked. She knew it'd take time though. He seemed at the very least to trust Steve ever so slightly. Steve Rogers turned then to really look at her for the first time since he'd gotten inside minutes ago and Clint stood up and walked over to stand beside her almost like he felt like she needed protecting, she glanced briefly sideways at him and offered him a questioning look before Steve held out a hand to her.

"I'm Steve Rogers, it's nice to meet you. Thank you for letting us-" He was cut off by Bobbi shaking her head as she took his hand and shook it.

"Bobbi Morse, and you don't have to thank me. Sharon is my friend and Clint vouched for you so... You're good. Mi casa and all that stuff. Here is safe, it looks like you guys need safe. Him especially..." She inclined her head to Bucky who'd taken to looking around. 

From the look on Steve's face she guessed he was thinking the same thing as she was: When was the last time he was in a place that looked even remotely like a home without being there to kill someone or be used? The thought brought a sadness to her features. From behind Steve, Sam offered her a smile and a wave.

"Sam Wilson, hey."

"Hi Sam." Bobbi smiled. "Seriously though, shower, change your clothes and we'll get all of you fed."

She sounded too much like a mom and she hated it. She cringed at the thought. Sharon looked at her and released a small chuckle.

"C'mon, we better move before she starts threatening to kick everyone's butt."

"Hey! You know I'll do it too, Carter." Bobbi retorted playfully.

"Yeah... she's not kidding." Clint spoke for the first time drawing Steve's eyes to him.

"It's nice to see you again, Clint. Thanks for this." 

"O'course." He replied. "Go! Seriously. Bobs is scary when she gets all grumpy and starts giving orders."

He grinned at Bobbi playfully then who - naturally - rolled her eyes at him.

"I'll kick your ass in a minute if you don't shut up, idiot."

She turned to walk toward the kitchen then and everyone split off with Clint showing them to varying rooms, she heard him inform Steve and Sharon that they could have separate rooms if they wanted and he sounded awkward while doing it too but both refused and that brought a soft smile to Bobbi's lips. Good. Carter deserved to be happy, she was a good person. Clint walked back to her clearly baffled and he shook his head.

"All of this is nuts. We've got three Super soldiers, two assassins, three SHIELD agents, three random heroes and that is literally just among the six of us." He looked confused. 

Bobbi made her way over and placed her hand on his cheek, she knew how he felt. It was overwhelming and it was a cocktail of crazy that she never thought she'd find herself in. She, Clint and Sharon all worked for SHIELD, Clint and Bucky were assassins and both reformed or working their way to it, she, Steve and Barnes were all Super Soldiers, not that she ever talked about it. She preferred to think about herself as a normal person, it was way less of a headache and she supposed the random heroes were him, Steve and Sam.

It was a hell of a lot to wrap your head around that was for sure. She gave him a gentle kiss and glanced back to the soup she'd set on the stove.

"Less worrying about crap we can't change and more helping me cook, move your butt there handsome. I can't cook for six people on my own without setting _something_ on fire." Probably herself knowing her luck.

Clint seemed happy at having something to busy himself with though. It didn't take them long to have everything ready and he was impressed that in such a short space of time she'd managed to whip up a homemade chicken soup. He'd always liked Bobbi's cooking. He remembered when she'd first decided to learn things beyond the basics and there had been _plenty_ of disasters but he'd always found it cute and endearing. He didn't dare tell her that after the first time though because she'd literally threatened to shoot him. Repeatedly.

The first person to emerge was Barnes and immediately Clint appeared protective. She elbowed him in the ribs as she came to stand beside him and shot him a scornful look. 

"We're here to _help_ remember? You got us into this so be nice." She reminded him scornfully

Okay she had him there, he had gotten them into this. He'd been the one that had told people out here was safe and while he had asked her permission for it, it had been his choice to do it.

"Thanks for the uh..." Bucky was nervous. 

Bobbi made her way over to him and held out her hand with a gentle smile on her features in an effort to show him that he really was safe here and that no one here was going to hurt him. He was going through hell and she had no interest in making it any worse for him.

"I'm Bobbi, that idiot is Clint. It's nice to meet you." She watched Bucky's eyes move to her hand before he studied her carefully.

When he'd determined that she didn't have any weapons on her at all he took her hand.

"Bucky, I guess. Bucky Barnes." He took her outstretched hand then and shook it with his normal hand. She seemed nice, he thought.

She didn't seem at all phased by his metal arm or whatever else she must have been told. She released his hand and inclined her head to the table. She couldn't imagine how weird this must be for him but it was better for him to be around people that weren't dangerous to him or going to use him, at least that was her theory. She hadn't been around when Clint had helped Natasha out of her programming but she knew it was similar to Bucky's. At least from what she'd been able to determine so far.

"Well Bucky Barnes, lets get you all fed. You look like you haven't had a home cooked meal in a while and I haven't killed anyone with my cooking yet so!" Bobbi grinned.

Bucky fought back a laugh but shook his head anyway, she noted the amusement on his expression and she gave a triumphant smile. At least she'd managed to make him smile no matter how much he might have been resistant to the idea. 

"You can't be grumpy forever, she'll literally bug the heck out of you until she makes you smile. It's what she does." Clint stated, brushing Bobbi's arm as he walked over to hand Bucky a bowl of soup.

"She's actually a pretty good person no matter how much she says she ain't." 

Bobbi offered Clint an appreciative smile, at least that's what he'd have described it as. She was probably secretly thinking up a million ways in her head to kill him without making too much of a mess, who knew with her. She was an enigma that woman. 

Bucky - clearly not knowing what to make of either of them - made his way over to the table and seemed to look relieved when Steve and Sharon joined them. Sam - he noticed - kept a safe distance and that made him smirk slightly. Everyone against the odds seemed relaxed as they sat down to eat, trading quips, stories and discussions of how they'd all ended up out here and notably Steve and Sharon both laughed at the fact that Bobbi had bust Clint's nose for him being a dumbass. So did Bucky which had everyone shocked.

Even he fell into an easy trade of conversation as people tried their best to explain pop culture and movies and Steve sat there explaining that he'd been at it for months and he still had _no_ idea what most of it was. Bobbi though piped up that she had a few collections on DVD out here that they could watch. It'd give them something to do for the next few nights at the very least. Days would likely be spent with them trying to work out what the hell they did next and where they went.

Step one was helping Bucky. Bobbi had made that perfectly clear. He didn't have to feel alone.

He hadn't understood it and he'd asked her a thousand questions but she'd simply smiled and explained to him that sometimes you just needed to hold out a hand to someone whether they think that they deserve it or not even if it was unexpected. She'd want someone to help her if she'd been the one lost. Clint had explained he'd helped one assassin out of their crap before and he'd be happy to do whatever he could do. That had been a story Bucky wanted to hear.

Clint explained that once upon a time, he'd been assigned to protect a diplomat which wasn't strictly true. Romanoff had always been his mission but he'd feigned something else at first. She was smart though and she'd figured it out. She'd figured out that she was his mission and she'd been so sure that he wouldn't kill her that she'd actually dared him to. He liked the fire inside of her, it reminded him of himself when he'd been something else back before he'd joined SHIELD.

She was rough around the edges, she was arrogant and reckless but she was deadly. Lethal. He could see it in her eyes though that she didn't know what kindness was and she didn't have anyone that'd offered her a hand or a way out and so he'd refused then and there to kill her, he'd told her that she could kill him if she wanted to but it wouldn't accomplish anything. He'd told her that he could get her out, that he could find a better way for her if she just trusted him and she had. She'd taken his chance and she'd let him help her.

In truth he was glad for it or he'd have died that night and things would be incredibly different for Bobbi Morse now, he knew she was glad for it too. He remembered when he'd first told her that story and she'd told him he was a complete idiot but he'd explained that someone needed to offer her a way out. Steve had done it for Bucky, he'd done it for Natasha.

Sometimes someone just had to reach out.

"So, you people just make a habit of trying to save people?" Bucky rose a brow as he spoke. "Why?"

Bobbi shrugged to ignore the fact that she could see there was something in Barnes's eyes that he wanted to say only he couldn't. She found it curious but she wouldn't ask him because it wasn't her place to do it and she didn't know him well enough; Clint just looked like he genuinely had no idea.

"I don't wanna find a hobby?" Clint offered.

"We do the right thing." Steve amended. "We help people because we care. Because they need someone and because we can't stand by and let someone stay lost, especially not if we care. I care about you, Buck. I wanna help you and so does everyone else here."

Sharon squeezed his hand as he spoke and she looked proud.

"Speak for yourself!" Sam spoke, studying them all. "You literally showed up at my house and dragged me into this."

Both Bobbi and Clint looked toward Sam and then Clint shot a questioning look toward Steve.

"Seriously?" 

"No, no, he's right. We uh- We did. We kinda showed up after everything and he kinda got roped into it all that way." Steve sounded sheepish as he spoke.

Sam burst out laughing. Clearly he'd only said anything at all to lighten the mood which had Sharon offer him a thankful smile and he nodded his head silently telling her she was welcome. Everyone looked exhausted though and so, Bobbi offered everyone a calm smile.

"Okay, I think everyone needs to sleep or y'know... Rest. Rest is good. You guys have had a long travel we'll clean up just... Rest." She cringed again.

Sharon smirked.

"I'm gonna hit you, Carter." Bobbi warned playfully.

"Bring it on, pretty lady." Sharon grinned. "But thank you, thank you for all of this. It means a lot."

Steve glanced between them and Clint just shook his head at him and smiled. He knew that the two of them were friends and honestly, it was kind of nice to see Bobbi just get to relax. He already felt bad enough that he was her only company out here until now... He was sure he still annoyed the crap out of her even if she wouldn't admit it. Bucky seemed altogether confused and Sam just seemed amused at the fact that Steve looked thoroughly confused just like Bucky. This was a side to Sharon he hadn't seen yet clearly.

"Your girl actually has friends, this is a good thing buddy." He poked playfully as he patted Steve's arm.

Steve glared at the fact that he was clearly being patronised and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah alright, I think she's right and we all need to rest."

"Oh, pops has spoken!" Sam announced as he stood up.

"Just shut up and move your ass." Sharon shot back with a smirk.

And with everyone dismissed, Bobbi and Clint stood and looked at one another and Bobbi shook her head. It was going to be a hell of a weird few... Uh... However long this was going to take to straighten out. It was a good job she was no stranger to weird.


	2. The torturous stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you go from having nightmares to watching a meteor shower, talking about your long lost love and planning a mission in an hour? Oh yeah, talk to Bobbi Morse.
> 
> Bucky can't sleep and neither can Bobbi, in an effort to get him to trust her she drags him outside and gets him to watch a meteor shower while telling him a story she'd much rather keep buried inside of her to prove that not all spies ever do is lie... And he finds it easier to open up to a woman that makes a decent point when she tells him he owes her no obligations to remember anything, what he doesn't plan on is the night ending with her deciding on a mission to try to fix what HYDRA did to him.

She hadn't been able to sleep all that well but then she never could, it was probably a little after 2am when she meandered back into the living room and fell down on the couch with a soft sigh as she reached over to turn on the lamp and picked up her book off of the coffee table. This was pretty much a nightly occurrence for her and she was used to it by now. Clint was sound asleep and usually she'd get back into bed before he woke up, she knew he probably suspected that she hadn't been able to sleep but he hadn't mentioned anything about it.

She was thankful for that. She really didn't want it to become a whole thing.

She had been sat on her own quietly reading for about 20 minutes before she heard footsteps behind her and she glanced backward. Stood looking altogether like he didn't know what to do with himself was Bucky Barnes and Bobbi waved softly and he immediately tensed up, she didn't mention anything or act differently.

"Hey, don't worry about me just do whatever. If you wanna eat you're welcome to whatever."

Bucky heaved out a sigh.

"I don't know what I was doing, honestly."

"Can't sleep?" She questioned softly. He shook his head.

She offered him a sympathetic smile and stood up very slowly mind, she held her hands to show him that she had no weapons at all on her and he seemed appreciative of it. He wasn't quite relaxed but he wasn't quite alert either. He was in a sort of in between state.

"Nightmares." He confessed quietly. She'd suspected as much.

"Me too." She admitted. She made her way forward and inclined her head to the front door. 

"Grab a jacket and come outside. Trust me just for like... Five minutes. I promise I'm not gonna do anything to hurt you." She had an idea she hoped would help.

He looked at her apprehensively, watching her pull her jacket off of the coat rack and shrugging into it and she padded - barefoot he noted - toward the front door. He stood for a few moments studying the very strange blonde before he walked over to do as she'd asked and followed her outside. He had no goddamn idea why. 

"What're we doing out here? It's just snow and-" Trees. It was just snow and trees but he stopped talking when he noticed her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm aware of that genius, look up." Her eyes traveled upward toward the sky, she had a calm smile on her features.

His did the same and his mouth opened slightly in shock. Out here you could see the stars clearer than any place he could remember and shooting across the sky were a series of moving objects that lit up and zoomed and had his eyes following them for a few moments quietly and he couldn't fight the smile that crept onto his lips; he had noticed of course that it was cold but it didn't register in that moment to him. It had been such a long time since he'd seen the stars like this, it had been such a long time since he could just stop and look; missions had no use for things like this, they had no use for their best asset stopping to appreciate a little beauty in the world, Bobbi Morse glanced toward him and she allowed a small laugh to break her lips.

"Meteor shower. I thought maybe this might calm you down some. It's beautiful. Natural. When was the last time you got to just stop and appreciate anything beautiful?"

"Not in a very long time..." There was a quiet awe in Bucky's voice that made her guess she'd done the right thing. "There was something once but I don't know if it was real or..."

She listened to the way his voice drifted off into a quiet sadness.

"You lived in a cruel and dark world, you deserve to see just a little bit of light. You deserve to have someone stand beside you that isn't obligating you to remember anything. I didn't know you before, I'd never met you until a few hours ago so honestly? You owe me nothing. There is no obligation at all to me so I figured that being around someone that doesn't expect anything of you might be helpful. Even if it's just for a little while, even if it's just while I remind you that now you can stop and appreciate the little things again. It's okay to be human."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" His eyes drifted to her. "You must know what I've done..."

He sounded like he expected her to be disgusted by what he was or at the very least fear him for it. She just shrugged her shoulders though. She wasn't afraid of him but then she wasn't afraid of much anymore and she wasn't going to hate him for what he'd done or act like it was his fault because it wasn't.

"Is that person who you really are?" She looked toward him. "In your heart, in your soul are you that person?"

He shook his head again in definite refusal. She reached out to place her hand on his arm then.

"Then why should I care what you've done? We've all done things we'd rather not have done even me. You think you're the only one that picked up a gun and killed someone? I could've faced a murder charge if it weren't for SHIELD protecting me." She admitted quietly.

"I'll look at you like you're a person because you didn't have a choice. I had a choice and I did it anyway." Her anger and her hatred had gotten the better of her.

It was something she hated herself for. It was something that had hurt her to no end and even to this day she couldn't quite look at herself in the mirror and see anything close to the person she'd been before. Some wounds ran far too deep and that was one of them. She didn't talk about it, not if she could help it. She'd asked SHIELD to seal the records and they'd obliged her and she was glad for that.

His brow furrowed as he listened to her speak. He could tell that she was telling him something she didn't like to talk about from the pain etched so clearly on her features not to mention the clear reluctance in her voice and it made him wonder why she'd told him for just a moment before he realised she was telling him that she'd done something terrible even though she had a choice so that he didn't stand there and wonder why she didn't recoil from him the way he'd expected, he'd never made the conscious choice in all of that time to kill anyone he had. She had a darkness inside of her just as he did and she was telling him that it was okay.

It didn't make you any less worthy of kindness.

"What did you do, Bobbi?" He had to ask. The question would bug him if he didn't ask.

"I shot a man, I could've had him locked up but I chose not to." Her voice sounded strained. Cracked. It seemed like it could still break her.

She hesitated and notably so, he flicked his eyes down and opened his mouth to apologise when he saw her close her eyes to center herself before she continued on with her story.

"He shot me, he would've killed me too if Clint had been just a fraction of a second slower. He managed to pull me out of the way just enough to make sure the bullet didn't blow my heart to pieces, he kept me alive, barely... Things happened after that honestly I'd rather not talk about but I still did some terrible things following that and I became someone I barely recognised."

It wasn't a story she liked to tell. She wrapped her arms around herself but it wasn't because she was cold; Bobbi Morse had enacted a subconscious effort to protect herself, it was something that had changed her in so many ways and it had been the thing that had driven her and Clint apart and led to their divorce. He'd fought so hard to save her that he didn't know what he saved might not have been the person he'd fallen in love with and that person wasn't something that she recognised for a long time after, it had led to her distancing herself from everyone and everything that she loved in order to find herself and she still wasn't sure she'd succeeded to this day.

She glanced to the side and sighed softly. She focussed instead on the fact that she could see her breath against the biting cold that didn't altogether bother her as much as it probably should've. To this day it felt like it ripped her heart out to talk about it and it wasn't something she told just anyone but he needed to find something to trust and she hoped by showing him a little honesty, it would help. He was around people that lied for a living, a little truth could go a long way.

"My point is I made a conscious decision the day that I found him to end someone's life. You haven't. You didn't want to do any of that, they put something in you that you had no choice in so to me you're not a monster, you're not a killer. You're just a man that was turned into something he had no choice in and now he's all hollowed out and empty because they took everything he was away too." She hoped she was wrong.

"I think it's inside of you somewhere, the part of you that you're fighting for. Don't give up, not everyone is gonna look at you like you're a monster, some of us look in the mirror and see enough of them in ourselves without calling other people evil too. My hands aren't free of blood, how the hell can I judge you for what you've done when I've done the same thing only I knew what I was doing? To me you're not a monster. To me you're just someone that got used up just like Natasha. None of you is to blame for what you've done."

He found himself liking Bobbi Morse, she was someone that could clearly resonate with the hell that raged inside of him because she too had to live with the fact that she'd done something terrible even if it was nowhere near as many times as he did but he had to admit she had a point: He'd never had a choice. He'd never once wanted to do what he had and he had to live with that pain every day regardless, it didn't stop the nightmares and he remembered the pain of the programming. It was hell. It was hell and no one would choose that. 

"I had something that made me hold on to who I was once." He spoke quietly, the sadness dripped from his words.

"What happened? I mean... You don't have to tell me obviously..." She wasn't going to pry, that wasn't her style.

"They took it away, at least I think they did. I don't even know if she- If we were real. I remember fragments of it, that was what my nightmare was. I lost her all over again. She was beautiful, strong, hair like fall leaves and an attitude like fire... She made me feel something again, she reminded me I was human. She made me feel like I could have a home again." This time it was his turn to go through a pain he wasn't sure how to talk about.

"I haven't told anyone about her, not Steve not anyone. I don't even know why I'm telling you but I just- She was all that made me wanna hold on once. They took that away and I guess I just gave up. I think it was real, I think _she_ was real because they had no use for me in any romantic situations. They had no use for anything that brought out humanity in me so I think she was real. She was real and I lost her." 

Ah. In that moment she understood that losing this love of his had been one break too many. One crack too many to hold together the broken fragments of who he used to be and it had been much easier for them to shatter him after that. They'd taken away what he held to, but it also made her curious; Bucky Barnes had found love in hell which made her curious about who the hell else might have been used under such terrible circumstances.

"I think you're telling me because you need to tell someone. You need to confirm for yourself if you say it out loud whether it was real or not. You needed to hear yourself say it to someone." She replied.

"The drugs they put into me made it easier for them to get me to comply but I was already beaten down. They tore apart my mind with experiments and medications and serums..." He breathed out a sigh.

She turned fully to look at him, he'd clearly piqued her interest. He looked confused but she was going to use it to distract him. 

"Can you tell me about the drugs they put into you? Do you know what they were or?"

"Uh... I don't know. Why?" He questioned cautiously.

"I'm a biologist and biochemist. If I can find out what was in it I can come up with a counteractive serum. Something that _might_ be able to fix whatever changes it caused in your physiology and your brain chemistry. It's not impossible. I'd need information though. I need to know exactly what it was they did, all of the things they used and I should be able to make something to combat it."

He looked incredulous as she spoke.

"I thought you were a SHIELD agent."

"I am. I'm also a scientist. A girl can be both sweetie, don't judge. Is there any way we can get that information?"

"I-" He cut off for a moment, he looked both thoughtful and like he was filled with dread at the same time. "There might be one way but there's no way in hell..."

Bobbi watched his expression shift from one thing to another curiously. It was the strangest series of emotions she'd ever seen cross someone's features and she could tell that it was hard on him. He really wasn't used to standing there talking to anyone else much less agreeing in any manner to let them help him. She wondered when the last time someone tried to help him was or if it had even happened at all. Had Bucky Barnes had even an ounce of happiness in all that time?

It was heartbreaking to think about. Her expression softened.

"Great!" She announced as she clapped her hands together trying to distract herself from the sadness. "Tell me all you can. Where we need to go, what we need to do and we'll go from there..."

He frowned though.

"It isn't that simple. The only thing I can think of is an offsite private place owned by one of their top clients. Security will be hell on its own but accessing their systems will be nearly impossible and I _can't_ go in there. There's a machine that could put me under again. If they manage to get control-" 

"You're not going." She cut him off and shrugged.

"That was never gonna happen. Barton and I will go. He's actually _really_ good with computers, so am I. SHIELD training is actually pretty useful and he never misses a shot. We'll go in _for_ you. We'll get what we need and then I can make something to help you. It's been a while since I've had to whip something that complex up but it isn't impossible. I've worked on projects that people have called impossible before and I did it. There's a reason I'm the best in my field." In both aspects; Bobbi was one of SHIELD's top agents and she was top of her field too.

"You're putting your life in danger, you realise that right?" He sounded concerned.

She couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah well, I've put my life in danger for way dumber reasons than this." She grinned and he looked at her like she'd gone mad.

"Oh c'mon, I worked with SHIELD. I put my ass on the line for lies for years I think this time putting it on the line for something true is the right thing to do, don't you? I can _help_ you. Let me help. I'm not some helpless, hapless little thing that's gonna walk into a fire fight and not know how to handle it. I can handle it. I have decent backup and I have resources and friends I can pull in if I need to and you? You deserve help. You deserve to know you'll never be able to be subjected to that again. You deserve piece of mind. Even _if_ by some miracle they got to take you back, I can make sure that it doesn't work. Their stuff won't work."

He'd be safe. He'd be free of it. There'd be no way they could use it. She couldn't undo the programming and he knew that, that wasn't in her capabilities, it wasn't in _anyone's_ capabilities but she was right: If she could stop their drugs from ever working on him again taking him back and putting him under again would be harder for them. He could fight better. He could fight back.

"You're impossible did anyone ever tell you that?" He rolled his eyes at her. "But okay, I'll write down anything I can remember, I'll draw a floor plan if I can... You're gonna need more help than I can give you though, my memory isn't all that reliable."

"Well lucky for both of us I have a very dear friend I can ask for help. Sometimes this spy stuff is useful. I can get satellite views which should give us more of an idea of an actual layout, I'll need you to try remember what you can about this guys security system though, I won't be able to find any information on inside without digging deep and I could trigger an alert."

He stood and looked at her wondering how tonight had gone from nightmares to heartfelt confessions and planning a goddamn mission when he'd literally just met her about five hours ago. Bobbi Morse was a weird person...

Still, he liked her. She had a good heart.

"Do I even wanna ask?" He asked cautiously.

"Probably not honestly." She shrugged. It wouldn't be _technically_ legal. Legality didn't seem all that important all things considered.

"I'll talk to Barton in the morning and tell him he's coming with me, he won't mind too much. Being cooped up in here has been driving him insane I think he'd welcome the chance to get out for a little while." So would she.

"It'll be okay, don't worry. He and I are two of the very best in the world. He never misses a shot and I'm... Weird." Just like he'd said. That was all he'd get out of her though. 

Weird. She was so much more but that was one secret she'd keep for as long as she could. That was one secret that no one needed to know unless it was utterly imperative for them to know it. If it was life or death, if it meant she had no choice then maybe, just maybe that'd be a story she'd tell but until then, it'd remain buried inside of her.

"I still have resources and people I can reach out to, we'll be able to get weapons, transport... Just give me what you can on your end and I'll figure out the rest, okay?"

"I'm not gonna dissuade you even if I say no am I?" He conceded with a small shake of his head. "Alright blondie but if you get yourself killed I'm gonna feel shitty, you know that right?"

"It takes more than some asshole and a few idiots with guns to kill me sweetie." She replied with an expression he couldn't quite pin down.

Weird. She was weird. She was weird but she was right and She could give him something he hadn't had in a very long time: Hope.


	3. We could be heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi and Clint cross paths with Yelena and Natasha who - after ending their mission with a bang - reluctantly agree to come with them back to Bobbi's place.

Telling Clint was the easy part, he hadn't objected all that much because what she'd suspected was right: He was going stir crazy. None of them were particularly happy about being cooped up for this long, they were used to working some kind of mission or another so to have one was a welcome reprieve for both of them. Sharon and Steve had both requested to accompany them and so had Sam but Bobbi and Clint had both maintained that they'd get in and out faster if it was just the two of them.

They knew each other well enough to be able to accurately anticipate every move the other would make. They could agree on a plan with a simple nod. They knew one another as well as they knew themselves so it was easier if it was just the two of them rather than wasting the time it'd take to train with someone else to even figure out how they'd work as a team. Time being of the essence and all that, she'd won her argument.

Bucky had asked her a million times if she was sure she wanted to do this and she'd told him in the end if he asked her one more time she was going to hit him upside the head. Hard. He'd just laughed but she promised him they'd spar when she got back and she'd hand his ass to him just to prove a point. She could tell he didn't believe her but she just shrugged and warned him that was a bad idea.

She was only messing of course but she just wanted to make him laugh. She was getting good at that.

She'd put in a call to Melinda who'd happened to be able to get her a quinjet and informed her she was planning on sticking close by in case she got her dumb ass into trouble again. Melinda knew her too well and Bobbi was glad for that, she was probably the best person in the world to have at your back if you needed it besides Frank. She missed her big brother right now...

She'd managed to talk to a friend she had and he'd gotten her as much detail as he could about the compound and her and Barton had gone over their plan about a hundred times and by late afternoon and a whole hell of a lot of protest from everyone else and a whole host of warnings to be careful, they were ready to go. She and Barton were their best bet here, Clint could subdue the asshole while Bobbi got what she needed from their computer systems.

It was a good plan, Clint could work well enough with computers but he was awful with the whole chemistry stuff. 

He didn't understand a single bit of it and he made a point of telling her that. Repeatedly. That was why it was agreed that he'd be the one to subdue their target and she'd deal with the tech stuff because she _did_ know what she needed to find. It sounded simple enough and all each of them could do was hope that they could get in and out as easily as she hoped.

Plans were easy, whether or not those plans worked out was another matter entirely and in their line of work plans were iffy at best. Out here they didn't have access to even half of the resources they usually had but they were going to do their best anyway. There was a whole hell of a lot riding on them being successful, at least there was for Bucky.

That was what played on her mind as they set off later that day and the whole ride to their destination. Clint didn't have to ask because he knew all too well what was wrong with her. He knew her well enough to know without ever having to ask out loud and so he just offered her comfort. 

By the time they were ready to go in, she was in full blown focussed mission mode and he knew all too well that was the moment they ceased to be anything else beyond partners out there in the field because that was what kept them alive, that was the difference between one wrong move and doing the smart thing.

It couldn't be personal or emotional because that was what caused the kinds of lapse in judgment that got you killed.

Getting in - they discovered quickly - was as much a risk as Bucky had said it would be and both of them avoided one too many close calls with the mercs this guy had hired as private security for any of their comforts. Clint took two grazing shots, one to the upper arm and the other to the side of his right thigh but that didn't mean that they weren't holding their own well enough. None of them had had anyone actively trying to kill them in a while so they were out of practice...

Only a little bit.

Bobbi took a nick to the neck with a rather nasty looking combat knife and a hell of a blow to the head that had her ears ringing for a good five minutes worse than all of the shouting and gunfire did as an asshole literally jumped out from around a corner with such speed that she'd been thrown off guard for a moment, he'd swung out with the knife first and she'd been quick enough to more or less avoid that but not quick enough to avoid the elbow that connected with her face as he spun. Okay... So they were well trained... Sort of.

It had been a bit of a pain in the ass to say the very least but both of them were more or less okay and there were no major injuries because they'd managed to be spotted as little as possible and as they prepared to split off to accomplish their separate tasks for just one moment it became personal again as he pulled her into his arms.

"Be safe okay? I love you, Bobs."

"You too, okay? Don't get yourself killed. No heroics, if it gets too hot get out." She warned him with a serious look.

He wouldn't agree easily and she knew it. If it got too hot, get out. That meant leaving her and he wouldn't do that unless he had absolutely no other choice and she wouldn't have him get his dumb ass killed trying to save her. If this went sideways, he had to get out and trust that she could handle herself. Reluctantly noting from the look on her face he was _not_ going to win, Clint nodded.

"Don't let that happen." He replied gently. 

"Not if I have a choice." She replied as she leaned up to kiss him. "Go. We don't know how long we have until someone figures out where we are. Go."

Clint made his way to find their target because Bucky had warned them that there were built in defenses here that they didn't want this asshole to trigger while Bobbi went to find his computers. It all seemed very goddamn simple and that was probably why she should've known that nothing would be that easy. She found her way easily enough to his main server room which meant her best chance of accessing what she needed and she had to admit he had a hell of an impressive layout down here.

It must've cost a small fortune for it but then these kinds of people never struggled for money... Bad guys always seemed to get whatever they wanted from the world. It irked her more than she wanted to admit but bypassing his security wasn't anywhere near as hard as he'd probably have sworn he would be. Obviously he didn't bank on people like her with her skills ever trying to do it. Idiot. Arrogant idiot at that.

She was about halfway through the file that detailed the drugs and she was memorising each and every word written there - Eidetic memory was useful - when she heard someone behind her and she rolled her eyes. She listened to the person speak and she fought the urge to laugh as she held up her hands anyway. 

"Easy there, Romanoff. I'm on your side." The blonde turned to look at Natasha then. "Put the damn gun down, would you?"

She watched the way that Natasha immediately became a mixture of curious and angry as she figured out who the hell she was before she'd turned around. Bobbi grinned and offered her a wave. She knew there was no way in hell Natasha would kill her unless she'd joined the other side again which was... Problematic but not a problem that couldn't be solved.

"Bobbi?! What the hell are you doing here?" Nat demanded. "If you went freelance and you're working for this son of a bitch..."

Bobbi just laughed. Loudly and sounding very amused too mind and shook her head. There was no way in hell she'd ever do anything like that, Bobbi Morse wasn't the type to turn Merc no matter what happened or how desperate she got and she was a little bit wounded that Natasha would even ask;Bobbi had always had a particular distaste toward mercs largely thanks to Frank and what he'd been through. 

"Same thing as you probably, let me guess: This son of a bitch has files you need for something?"

"Yeah..." Natasha frowned, she sounded wary.

"Well me too so I guess this means we're working together, now can I get back to what I was doing or do you wanna talk this out some more?"

All Natasha could do was stare at her. Bobbi Morse rolled her eyes.

"I'll explain when we're done, okay? It'll all make sense young padawan, relax."

"Fine but I need to do something when you're done and I don't need you asking me questions, I need files on a few things then I'm gonna wipe the whole damn system." Natasha's determined tone earned her a smile from Bobbi.

"Fine by me." Bobbi replied with a shrug. "What you're doing is your own business I learned a long time ago _not_ to ask you questions. I'm smart, remember?" 

Bobbi turned back to the computer then and pushed the earpiece she had.

"Alright guys, I've got what I need here do you wanna ask if there's anything else I gotta find or?" Bobbi wasn't talking to Natasha now.

She didn't even mention her being there. Sharon informed her that if she could get a hold of any personnel files she was sure they'd help Bucky.

"Yeah well personnel files aside I've got all the details on the cocktails they gave, they've got copies of brain scans and whatever, I'm gonna put them on a thumb drive and I'll look through them properly when I get back. There's a whole hell of a lot on the before and after. It looks like they really enjoyed what they did and they _really_ wanted to see how much they could twist someones DNA before they made them into something that wasn't useful anymore. I don't know who their last test subject was but it doesn't from this like they survived." Bobbi sounded sad then.

Almost sickened by it if she was going to be honest. She listened to Sharon inform her that she should get everything and get out before it became a problem. Bobbi fought back emotion, anger mostly as she focussed on listening to her friends voice.

"Okay, we'll be back as soon as we can. We've run across a bit of a complication but it's nothing I can't handle. I'll explain everything later. Take care guys, keep the defenses active until I tell you otherwise." And with that, she shut off the earpiece.

She noted Natasha's curious look as she turned back to look at her, leaning against the desk as she waited for the files to copy over. She rose a brow.

"What?"

"Who're you working with?" Romanov demanded. Bobbi offered her a look that quite literally said _Seriously?_

"I already told you I'd explain everything later. Work now, talk later." 

She turned again and plucked out her thumb drive and stepped aside.

"Knock yourself out, Red. Just be quick we should probably move before reinforcements arrive." Bobbi shrugged.

"Or the asshole that owns this place kicks in its defenses." Natasha muttered, clearly annoyed.

"Not gonna happen, Barton knocked him out and tied him up we're good." 

"Clint is with you?" Natasha had known he was staying with her but here... "Of course he is. Never did like to let you get into shit on your own."

She smirked then.

"Hey I'll have you know I have _everything_ under control. I have backup and everything." Bobbi threw back with a grin.

"You're a pain in the ass." Natasha sighed as she leaned over the computer, clearly she could find what she wanted easily enough. 

She didn't look like she was having any trouble with it anyway. If she was, Bobbi supposed she'd at least ask her for help. Natasha was proud but she wasn't stupid. She knew that they were on a ticking clock and they really didn't have all day.

"You aren't even the first person that's told me that today." Bobbi let her eyes roam the outside of the room just in case someone had woken up.

"That doesn't surprise me." Romanov spoke while she reached out to Bobbi. "Give me that thing would you? I need copies before I wipe it."

"Sure thing, just be quick."

Complications. She hadn't wanted complications and yet she'd found it in the form of a redheaded assassin. Of course she had. Bobbi sighed and shook her head, so much for that smooth mission plan of hers. The others were gonna _love_ this. Well, Steve and Sharon would be happy she wasn't sure the same could be said for Bucky though.

* * *

Clints mind was racing even as he sat on the desk making sure that the son of a bitch didn't wake up, if he did he was going to meet the business end of a kick to the face, someone appeared in the doorway and held a gun on him and Barton responded by aiming straight at her heart. 

"Drop the gun." He warned her, she just laughed.

Clint narrowed his eyes at her.

"Who the hell are you?" He sounded snappy, he was in no mood for this shit. "If you're here to back up this son of a bitch I'm willing to bet I'm quicker than you are."

"No, I'd prefer to kill him honestly but unfortunately that isn't as easy as it sounds." The blonde shrugged. "Who are _you?"_

"I asked first." Clint retorted. He watched her frown and roll her eyes.

"You're immature." She shrugged her shoulders then. "Yelena Belova. You're Clint Barton."

"Yel- Wait, wait. The psychotic assassin that's spent the last God knows how long trying to kill Tasha?" Yeah, he was keeping his aim.

She lowered her gun though.

"Natalia and I are on the same side now." She replied brightly. "You're not going to kill me so put that thing down."

She sounded certain, Clint didn't move at all though bar to look at their target to make sure that he wasn't waking up. He had more tranquiliser in his vest but he'd prefer to knock him out in a far more violent way, from what he knew this asshole deserved it anyway and he had a whole lot of anger to work out but he wasn't that cold. Angry yes, but he'd do it the right way, he wasn't going to lose himself.

"Why the hell would you be on her side? You're a crazy ass assassin." Clint snapped.

Yelena just laughed again.

"So was she once. You didn't seem to mind that all too much when you helped her, stop being so judgmental." Not that she cared what he thought of her.

"How'd you know who I am anyways?" He was curious now.

"You were a target too once." She replied like it should've been obvious. She was toying with him before just to give herself something to do.

"Natalia, we have a wayward Archer with an attitude problem so move before I decide to shoot him." Yelena touched the earpiece before she spoke.

"Yeah, ran into a complication myself down here but we're done so I'll be right up. No shooting Barton Yelena, he's a friend." Natasha sounded irate as she spoke. 

Belova rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Not my friend." She muttered. "But fine, I won't shoot him even if he is being irritating."

"Irritating is what Clint does best." Natasha sighed as she spoke. "On the way up now. Play nice. Both of you. Tell him that, too."

"Natalia says we have to play nice. You're annoying. Why are you annoying?" She leaned against the wall as she spoke.

"For attention mostly." Clint shrugged then. "I'm bored. I've been babysitting sleeping doucheface here for like half an hour now."

She could understand that, she'd have been just as bored had she not shown up to have her job already done for her. Her back and forth with him at least gave her something to do. She studied him, he had grey eyes and a tired look on his features but behind that blazed an anger and determination that she almost found admirable. Almost. He was irritating but then what could she expect from some do-gooder master marksman? She was fully aware of who Clint Barton was, she just wanted to screw with him to alleviate some of her own boredom.

And she literally had nothing better to do.

Barton seemed relieved when he watched Natasha and Bobbi appear, neither one of them looked particularly thrilled that the other was there but what could they do? It seemed like they were in the same place and trying to accomplish the same task even if they didn't realise it It was curious. Natasha looked at Clint who immediately moved forward leaving his bow on the desk to pull his best friend into a hug that earned him a frown.

"Missed you, Tasha. You doing good?" He noted hers and Yelena's matching outfits. It seemed as though the crazy blonde was telling the truth.

"Missed you too, idiot." Nat replied playfully.

Bobbi's eyes moved to Yelena and she breathed out a dramatic sigh.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." She narrowed her eyes. "I swear if you try anything funny I'm gonna shoot you. Again."

Natasha turned with a questioning look.

"We met about five years ago. She shot me in the leg. Our missions were... Opposing." Yelena explained with a shrug. 

"You broke my nose, you asked for it." Which Bobbi had to admit was mild all things considered.

"Okay well, we'll deal with your little whatever the hell that is later. You two need to get out of here. Now. We'll meet you outside."

She watched the way both Clint and Bobbi wanted to ask questions. She shook her head to cut them off and told them to get the hell out. Her and Yelena had a plan all along to blow this place on the way out with Anton inside, neither of them had any intentions of letting him walk out of this. He didn't get to live after what he'd done. 

"We'll meet you outside I promise." Natasha looked between both of them. "Just go. This is between me and Yelena. This is something we need to do."

Which meant basically that there was no way in hell she was going to let them talk them out of it so there was no point in them trying. Bobbi and Clint exchanged a look between them before they nodded anyway. They'd ask questions when everyone was out of here safe. They turned and made their way out - via the window - leaving Yelena and Natasha do whatever it was they had to do. Once outside, Clint pulled Bobbi into his arms and he breathed out a relieved sigh.

"Thank God that's over. I'm glad you're safe." He spoke as he kissed the top of her head. "We can go home."

"It isn't over, Clint. This is just the beginning." Bobbi replied quietly as she buried her head in his chest. 

He knew she was right but for right now, it was about as over as it was going to get for a little while. From hereon out it was down to Bobbi to figure out all the science-stuff before they could do whatever the hell it was they needed to do to make sure this was over for all of them. They were all worried, every single one of them was worried and no one knew where they were going from here but he knew that there was no way in hell he was going to let anything happen to her or to any of them.

Which was why he was thrown off balance and alarmed as he watched both Natasha and Yelena run toward them shouting at both of them telling them to run and fast. There was no time at all to question them because Natasha screamed again as she skidded to a halt in front of them leaving them no choice whatsoever to comply and move the hell away and fast... It didn't take long for Clint to understand why: Moments after, there was a loud explosion and the house that had been stood before was now a fiery wreck of a building. In that moment he understood what it was they had to do: Make sure that man didn't make it out alive.

They had made sure that whatever he'd done to them was over with forever.

Once they were at a safe distance, both Bobbi and Clint stopped to look at the two assassins and while each of them had a million questions here was not the place or the time, if they didn't get away as fast as possible they were likely to end up getting arrested. That explosion would draw attention and fast.

"Where're you going now?" He spoke directly to Natasha.

"No idea." She replied honestly. "We had to. We had to finish that."

"Come with us. Both of you." It sounded more like an order than a request.

They owed one another a whole hell of a lot of explanations though and Bobbi's eyes looked toward Natasha then.

"If you want any answers, you're gonna come with me and I have a feeling you're gonna be glad you did. Where we are is safe. It'll give you the chance to regroup and figure out where you go from there. We'll talk when we get back I promise. It'll make more sense when we do." She promised. She hoped like hell she was right.

None of them could give any answers while trying _not_ to get arrested for blowing a building with the occupant still inside. She wasn't thrilled about that at all but it wasn't her call to make. Whatever the hell it was that Natasha and Yelena had been there for was obviously personal to them as were their reasons for doing what they did. She watched the way Natasha turned to Yelena and asked her if it was okay, Yelena hesitated but she turned to look at both Bobbi and Clint and nodded.

It wasn't like any of them had anywhere else to go right now and certainly not anywhere that was safe. Bobbi was about to have a house full and she wasn't sure how the hell any of this was going to go down with her current house guests but what choice did she have? She needed answers out of Natasha and here wasn't the time or place to get them. Natasha and Yelena clearly needed somewhere safe to go... Being out here was dangerous for both of them.

Being out here could get them killed and that? That was something she couldn't abide.


	4. You know you're not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once everyone arrives back at Bobbi's place, things quickly take a turn that no one could've seen coming and reeling from the shock of everything, everyone realises that after tonight, nothing is ever gonna be the same again.

Well that wasn't their plan, not any of them. Sitting in the back of a quinjet Natasha found herself wondering how the hell Bobbi Morse and Clint Barton had even known that that son of a bitch even existed, it wasn't like either of them as far as she was aware had crossed paths with him before which begged the question of what they were doing and why they were doing it. Even with their knack for turning up in unexpected places this one was weird.

Naturally she was curious about it and she was trying to work out if there was anything she ought to be concerned about, hidden agendas were something she had come across with plenty of people in the past... She just never thought she'd think Clint would have any ulterior motive that he'd hide from her.

Clint was her best friend, Clint Barton usually did _not_ lie to her.

She'd tried to ask Bobbi more times than she cared to remember but she'd gotten shut down every single time and told that she'd explain when they got back to her place which had irritated her to no end. 

Her place turned out to be in the middle of nowhere so it was as safe as she promised it would be which was a relief to her and as they climbed out of the jet and made their way toward the door, Bobbi stopped rather abruptly and turned to look at them.

"I have house rules: No killing anyone, your weapons are locked away. You don't get to keep guns on you at all because honestly there's no need all the way out here. We don't start fights, you wanna kick the shit out of anyone you do it in the gym during sparring and you don't _ever_ hurt anyone bad no matter how mad you are. We can eat dinner together, breakfast and lunch too if anyone is hungry but that's optional, it's kinda nice though, I mean we may as well at least feel somewhat comfortable with each other if we're stuck all the way out here for however long." She shrugged then. She figured it was simple enough and not _too_ much of a big ask considering.

"Movie nights are optional too but again, it could be kinda fun and good for all of us. We're going for pretty calm and normal out here, it's safe, there's no reason for anyone to pick a fight with anyone and you _always_ respect people. If they want space, you give them it. We won't bother you if you decide you wanna stay out of the way until you're ready to talk. Agreed?"

She wasn't really giving them any choice but to agree, what she was asking wasn't too much anyway it seemed relatively simple. Natasha could understand why Bobbi wanted to keep the peace, it wasn't like it was easy to deal with conflict all the way out here and it wasn't like anyone could just storm off and come back when they'd calmed down because hazardous conditions and below freezing temperatures made that pretty damn impossible but just from a single look she could see Yelena wasn't pleased with the idea of not having her guns on her but Natasha reminded her that none of these people were going to hurt her.

Bobbi wasn't going hurt her and neither was Clint. 

Bobbi looked much calmer as they responded, clearly happy with when both of them nodded their heads in agreement to her rules and she opened the door and looked at the inhabitants of her home as she stepped aside to let them inside. Naturally most peoples eyes were on the door having been anxious the whole time about the complications Bobbi had mentioned running into out there. Everyone relaxed almost immediately. 

"Everyone, complications. Complications, everyone else." Bobbi grinned playfully as she spoke.

She could see the immediate relief on Steve's features as he noticed Natasha and the redhead was pulled into a hug as Steve Rogers moved, she let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, missed you too Rogers." She couldn't help but roll her eyes, she'd known he'd be worried though. She wasn't usually a hugger but they'd all been through hell both before and after all of this so it didn't surprise her all too much that Steve's relief at her safety would result in him hugging her. If it were anyone else she might have been more resistant to the idea. That made both Barton and Rogers that had hugged her tonight...

"I'm glad you're all good." She spoke, she truly was, she noted every person here or at least the ones that made their presence obvious. 

She studied them in turn, her eyes flicking from Steve to Sharon and then to Sam as she assessed them for any obvious signs of injury or any obvious signs that what they'd set out to do had gone sideways in a major way but everyone looked healthy.

Sam and Sharon both earned smiles from Natasha once she was satisfied that they were okay and greetings and told that she was glad they'd made it here safe while she tried her best to peer around Steve's considerably larger frame and both of them seemed altogether glad she was okay too. She was happy that they'd all made it somewhere safe and alive when she knew just how dangerous their endeavor would be and how much Steve wanted to find Bucky.

She turned her eyes back to Steve and she was about to ask him if he'd accomplished his mission when she watched Bucky Barnes stand up from the couch and in that moment she found herself unsure whether or not she was relieved about that or more worried about the thought of having two assassins out here while their minds were still unraveling and they were still trying to figure out truth from lies... She knew that if things went bad, she and Steve stood a damn good chance at controlling the situation to a degree and the others could offer decent enough assistance if everyone was quick enough...

It was the strangest situation she'd found herself in a long time. Steve released her from his embrace which she was thankful for. She needed to clear her mind for a second and figure out how the hell she was supposed to feel about any of this. She hadn't been around this many people in over a month and while they were her friends, she was still walking on a fine line between who she was and who she used to be.

She turned to Yelena and placed her hand on her arm, she tried her best _not_ to pay all that much attention to Bucky despite the fact that all she wanted to do was ask if he was okay but she worried that would betray something she was sure he wouldn't even remember to begin with and so she introduced each person in turn to the blonde assassin she'd brought along with her who studied them all almost as though she was trying to figure out how long it'd take her to take each one down.

Yelena though studied Bucky dubiously, she knew if anyone here would present a challenge bar Natasha, it would be Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier. She'd been back there with him too... She'd worked alongside him too... It just set her more on edge and wish she could keep her guns more.

Natasha wasn't going to allow her to harm anyone here though and she knew it, she'd been told that these people weren't going to hurt her but trust didn't come easily to someone like her... Trust was something that would have to be earned on both sides. She had to try though.

Once all of the introductions were done and over with, Natasha took in a deep steadying breath and whole hell of a lot happened in the one split second it took her to introduce her blonde counterpart to everyone else and- Well and everything else that was about to happen.

She watched the way that Bucky's eyes moved to her, his mouth fell open for just a moment; Natasha supposed he was remembering the last time that they'd crossed paths and she flicked her eyes to the floor as she contemplated telling him that she didn't take the whole shooting her-thing personally so that he wouldn't feel bad about it. She shook her head and just as she was about to turn to Yelena to ask her if she was holding up as well as she appeared to be, she froze on the spot as she heard Barnes speak.

"Natalia..." He spoke her name and his voice was filled with pain.

The world around her seemed to freeze, she couldn't breathe and it felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room and it was making her dizzy; impossible situations were something that she found herself in quite regularly but this was something else entirely. She'd spent too long hoping someday he'd remember her just like Steve did but she'd done it for decades longer, she'd loved him for decades and she'd faced the fact that she'd lost him regardless of the fact that she didn't want to. He moved forward and pulled her into his arms without hesitation or explanation or care at all that everyone else was around him.

"Thank God you're safe." He spoke but she was still frozen to the spot caught up in a moment she didn't know how to handle, this was certainly an odd turn of events and a far cry from the fact that he'd been technically shooting at her with the apparent intention of killing her the last time they'd crossed paths, notably though he _didn't_ kill her though she knew he was more than capable of it.

He didn't miss unless he chose to miss and that was something that had stuck with her but she shrugged off the thought and put it down to the fact that she'd just gotten lucky and she hadn't given him as clear a shot as she thought she did. He didn't remember her. She wasn't naive enough to put too much faith in hope.

He did remember something though. It would seem that he did indeed remember something about her and about them because the way that he spoke to her, the name that he'd used was one that so few people knew her as let alone dared address her with and the look of clear concern and relief in his eyes told her that indeed, he did remember at least _something_ even if she had no idea what that was yet, even if he had no idea what that was just yet she knew it was _something_ and she'd hold onto that. She could feel the emotion well up in her as she wrapped her arms around him and a single tear fall down her cheek.

Bobbi smiled. What she'd suspected was right. Cue her need to act like a bodyguard for a couple of assassins. Her life was getting weirder by the day.

"James..." That was about all Natasha could manage to say by way of reply through a choked voice that sounded almost too weak; she wanted to say much, much more than that.

She held to him like her life might very well depend on it, she was too afraid to admit that she feared if she let go she'd lose him all over again and she wasn't ready for that to happen. She wasn't ready for him to be gone again. She hoped, she hoped in a way that she hadn't in so many years.

Bobbi almost immediately noted the expression on her features and on Bucky's and it made her feel all the more protective. When the heck did she become the mom of the group? That was a vote she must've missed.

"You two should go talk, don't worry about all of this. It's okay, you're both okay." Bobbi looked at Bucky and offered him a smile. "I promised you I'd do whatever I can to help you and that promise meant with whatever you need, including all of this."

He nodded thankfully. Bobbi had promised him that he didn't have to feel alone or face the world on his own anymore and she was keeping to that promise, Bobbi Morse was proving to be a good friend and he needed one of those now more than ever, he knew he had Steve but Steve Rogers didn't know the story he'd told Bobbi.

"C'mon." Natasha tugged his hand as she pulled back and he nodded.

Both of them needed to get the heck away from all of this and figure everything out without everyone standing there staring at them with the questions she could practically see appear in their minds, questions she wasn't ready to answer tonight and neither was he. Tonight, they needed the calm to just be together and talk all of this through.

"I'm so sorry, I missed you so much." He spoke with a relief that no one had heard in his voice in... Well ever. He also wanted to get the hell away from everyone and their clear staring. It was making him uncomfortable.

Bobbi turned to look at everyone else as Barnes and Natasha walked toward Bucky's chosen bedroom. Steve opened his mouth to say something but she shook her head telling him not to. Every single person in the room looked like they had a million questions bar her and Yelena who were really quite content with it being absolutely nothing to do with them. 

"Nope. You leave 'em alone. They need to deal with their stuff. You can ask questions tomorrow if they're ready to answer any of them but they don't owe any of us anything. Leave it. You have questions and that's fine, I get that but they've got a lot to deal with on their own. Both of 'em have been through enough."

Yelena - who looked altogether proud - clapped her hands together drawing everyone's attention.

"It's about time." She sounded _way_ too happy as she spoke. "They needed to find a way back to each other."

She shrugged like it was something everyone should've known already. Bobbi just laughed and shook her head. Everyone looked curious and downright confused but she wasn't about to let them interrupt whatever it was that they needed to do because she could read the pain and the relief in Bucky's tone and expression alike and he'd been through enough. Natasha had been through enough, if they could find even an ounce of happiness in all of this then it was worth it.

He'd already lost his beautiful love once from the story that he'd told her and he didn't deserve to go through that again, she wouldn't let that happen again through stress and worry about what everyone else would think or how they'd react.

"Why don't _you_ have questions?" Clint looked at her with a raised brow.

Bobbi turned to him with a frown and looked like she was about ready to slap him upside the back of the head but thankfully she didn't. She didn't have questions because like she'd said to Bucky she didn't know him before and he owed her nothing. Whatever his story was, he didn't owe it to her to remember it or talk about anything that he didn't want to and just from the brief description he'd given about the girl he'd lost, she had suspicions but it wasn't her place to say anything.

"Because it isn't any of my business. Barnes owes me nothing, Romanoff owes me nothing. Their story is their own, it isn't up to me to judge that or force them to explain themselves." It wasn't up to _any_ of them which was why she spoke to pointedly. 

"If it were any of you, you'd want the privacy and time to figure out your stuff. You'd hope the people that you care about would give you that time 'cause they're supposed to respect you. Both of them have enough pain. _He_ has enough pain. You've watched him break over the last couple of weeks... Let him heal. If this is what makes him heal then leave them the hell alone and let them find whatever it is they lost." Bobbi implored them. 

"We should _all_ go and get some rest. It's been a hell of a long day and Barton and I both have wounds we need to patch up. We'll all figure out whatever the hell it is we need to figure out tomorrow whether or not that includes what's going on with those two is up to them but today's mission got us a hell of a lot we need to go through and I can't do that on my own. I'm gonna need someone to assist me with the whole 'brains of the operation' role because going through all of this is gonna be a headache on my own." She was good but she wasn't _that_ good.

She was trying to distract people who looked altogether troubled though. She knew that they'd have questions for Bucky and for Natasha and she really, truly she couldn't fault that but she knew too that in all of this chaos, all of this mess and all of this pain it was nice that something good could've come from it. Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff had both endured the kinds of pain that most here couldn't begin to imagine, any good in all of that should be protected.

Anything good in that should be allowed to be just that: Good. It shouldn't be corrupted by anger or confusion or a barrage of questions. They should be allowed to be happy and figure things out for as long as they needed to without feeling pressured to explain. Bobbi's blue eyes moved to Steve and she offered him a gentle smile.

"I know he's your best friend, I know she is too and right now you're thinking both of them have lied about something but honestly, all of this should've shown you that memory isn't the easiest thing in the world. He's fighting. He's fighting a war in his mind to come back to you and be the man you knew from before, he's fighting hard to find himself. He's fighting to be better again, to find the little good in all of this that he can and hold onto that. If she's his good then they both deserve the chance to protect that and figure it out in their own time." She wished she could explain it better she truly did.

"I know you wish you had answers right now but you _have_ to trust that letting this be for now is the best thing. You're a good man, Steve. This is what he needs to be happy." That was something she had to believe. It was something that she had to believe because some happiness in all of this pain would be welcome.

"You're right." Steve conceded offering her a smile. "Thank you, Bobbi."

She nodded then, this wasn't how she'd seen this night turning out but a part of her should've seen it coming. She turned to Yelena who'd quite literally decided to ignore everything and everyone by poking through Bobbi's collection of books and she shook her head at her but laughed anyway.

"C'mon crazy, I'll show you to a bedroom. Shower, change. You wanna eat go right ahead. Everyone needs to sleep." 

"You're going to trust me alone?" Yelena questioned with a raised brow. "Why?"

"Because if you wanna be an asshole I'll lock you outside." Bobbi grinned and walked anyway.

"And you call me crazy. You're bossy." Yelena rolled her eyes as she spoke but she followed her regardless. Life was weird now.

Life was weird for all of them.

* * *

She remained quiet, almost startlingly so but she couldn't form a single coherent thought as she sat down on the end of the bed and looked up at him as he stood there and just studied her. It was almost like he was trying to find something but what she didn't know was that he was agonising over the fact that the one person he'd known better than anything once upon a time seemed like a stranger to him now. He hated how far they'd gone from one another.

He hadn't seen her in over 50 years, at least not when he was himself. He glanced at her and he shook his head then. He breathed out a deep sigh and he crouched down in front of her, his hand reached out to brush her cheek.

"I'm so sorry." The sadness in his voice was almost crippling.

"What're you sorry for?" She tried to keep her tone measured.

She failed.

"I- I did all kinds of terrible things even to you. I could've killed you. I could've killed Steve and I didn't want to. I had no choice." 

She had to concede, he was right he could've killed both of them, he had more than enough chances and he had enough openings to take his shot ten times over but he hadn't. He hadn't taken it no matter what and she offered him a smile then, kind but filled with sadness and she shook her head. She reached out to twine her fingers with his.

"No, you could've and you know that. I know that. You're the best in the world for a reason but you didn't kill either of us. You _chose_ not to whether you realised it at the time or not. You had a clean open shot on me twice. You chose hits you knew wouldn't kill me. You chose not to hurt me, James." She was strong as she spoke, far stronger than she actually really felt.

She was trying to show him strength, reassurance and while she hoped it worked at the very least she knew he'd know she wasn't as strong as she appeared to be right now. She knew he'd see straight through the facade but she hoped he'd appreciate the strength she was trying to find for his sake. She was something that she never thought would happen, she thought when she'd walked away from that life there'd be nothing in it that would come back over 15 years later. She'd though there was no way in hell they'd ever get the chance to save James.

She'd wanted to, she'd tried to look. She'd tried to find something - anything, really - on him over the years but by the time she'd found even a trace they'd already moved him and there was nothing she could do. She was chasing ghosts and she knew sooner or later that she'd have to give up or she'd have to accept defeat and she was never good at that. He studied her with tired eyes and she felt worse than she ever had in that moment.

She wanted to tell him so badly that she hadn't given up. He brought her hand to his lips and he kissed the back of her hand.

"I don't remember everything, Natalia. I remember little pieces, enough to have had dreams about you for the last few weeks. Enough to have seen your face, enough to know that I loved you so much and that you reminded me that I _was_ human no matter how much they might've tried to take that away. I might not have always remembered everything and I still don't but I knew there was always something." He looked troubled.

Stressed. His features contorted as he frowned.

"I hated myself for what happened and what they'd made me to do you when I saw you. I didn't know. I didn't know that I even know you until I saw you again when you walked in. I feel like I should've figured it out already but the moment you walked in that door I knew, it was like everything fell into place and my mind started to make some sense again because I knew that you were real. You were the girl I saw in my dreams, my beautiful light was real. I didn't recognise you when we last met, at least not completely but I knew there was something. I thought it was just their programming. I thought it was just past missions bleeding through and mixing reality with what I was made to believe." 

He held to her hand, he'd taken to tracing idle patterns against her warm skin. He found himself then sat there remembering how much he'd missed the tenderness of a kind touch especially hers. He'd been through so much cruelty over the last 70 years and she'd been the one good thing in all of it. 

"You were the only thing in all of it that I ever had that meant anything to me. You were the thing that made me human again, you reminded me what it was like to feel love, to feel happiness and until they took that away you gave me hope." His voice was strained, so filled with emotion that he'd almost forgotten existed.

"I was just a lost soldier who forgot what it was like to have a home until I had you." He held a watery smile on his lips as he spoke.

His voice was filled with such a pain and an anguish that felt like it would crush her and she wished like hell she could take that away and right it now. He deserved better. She found herself wishing that she'd found a way to fight harder all those years ago when she'd gotten out. She should've gone back to him. She should've gone back for him and for Yelena years ago. They'd made sure they'd taken everything away from him, from her and from Yelena until each of them was devoid of humanity at one point.

That didn't have to be the case anymore.

"I'll always be your home and you'll always be mine. I don't blame you for what they made you do, James. I don't hate you for any of it and I never could." She replied softly fighting with emotion that was winning the battle easily.

They both knew no one would understand this, this was a story that delved far deeper than the cover she'd been living under for over a decade now because that cover for her was easier than facing the pain of what she'd lost. Clint Barton had saved her life that day but he hadn't been aware that she'd also lost so much in the process. She'd lost the love of her life and any chance she had there and then of saving him without anything short of a miracle or a hell of a fight.

It had turned out to be both. Come tomorrow they both knew they'd face a battle beyond any that he'd been prepared for, facing a firing squad seemed far easier than going out there tomorrow and and facing the people that they both cared about. She'd kept up a pretense for well over a decade whereas everyone knew exactly what he was, she'd continued to lie and told these people that she trusted them regardless but she knew that she couldn't risk the pain this would bring up for her.

Losing him once had been more than she could take, dragging herself through that pain again simply to tell a story that really had no relevance to anyone else just seemed too cruel. She noted that he was studying her almost like he was trying to memorise her face all over again and she couldn't hide the sadness that lingered in her eyes at this point she knew it was impossible.

"I don't know what happens next." She confessed quietly. "With them, with any of this... We're in the middle of the kind of war none of us could've ever seen coming. I don't know what we do, I don't know what our next step is or we'll even come out of it whole."

She hated the thought. She truly, truly hated the thought of this costing any of them more than they'd already paid. Everyone here meant something to her, they were her friends. They were people that she'd come to care for.

"I've lied to everyone for years and I don't expect them to understand that but all of this is far from over. We can't just hide out here until it all blows over." She sighed then.

He reached out and pulled her into a hug, kissing her on the top of the head.

"We'll come out of this whole I promise you. We're the best of the best and you know it. Us against them? They don't stand a chance." He had a playful smile that had her roll her eyes.

"This is serious!" 

"And I'm _being_ serious. You're right none of us could've seen this coming but we have a good team out there and yeah, we're gonna have to figure out how to answer their questions but ultimately and as impossible as I'd thought it'd be? I trust them. We're not alone. We've got people out there that'll help us." He never thought he'd be saying that.

He never thought he'd find anyone he trusted again.

"We're gonna be okay. It'll be a hard battle but it'll be one we _can_ and _will_ win because we're not in it alone.Every single one of us started out on a separate track and its led us all to the same place for a reason. We've got each other. We aren't alone anymore." He sounded more confident than he felt by far but wasn't that what Bobbi had told him?

He didn't have to face the world alone anymore, they had to put their trust in these people.

"These people love you, Natalia. They won't let you face anything alone and even I know that."

She conceded to his words with a silent smile. She leaned her head against his chest and the familiar sound of his beating heart washed a wave of calmness over her that she'd forgotten could ever exist. 

"And I do too, you know. I love you." He whispered as he held her in his arms.

She'd waited far too long to hear him say that. A quiet yawn slipped her lips and she glanced up at him for a moment.

"I love you too." She spoke words she thought she'd never say again and it felt as natural to her as breathing.

"Lets get some rest, okay?" He had no idea if he'd sleep without nightmares. "We've got a long day tomorrow."

And if tonight was anything to go by it wasn't going to be simple by any means.


	5. Everything has changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi and Bucky's meeting of the Insomniacs club now includes Yelena Belova and apparently Natasha Romanoff, a couple of shared stories and a decision that makes her more uneasy than anything else has since this whole thing started...

By 4am Bobbi was sat again on the couch reading her book the same as she was most nights; she'd gotten a good solid halfway through it which was both good and bad because it was the sixth one she'd read since she got here with Clint so pretty soon she was going to need new material. She didn't do much else during the nights beyond read because it was peaceful and it distracted her but the sound of footsteps once again drew her eyes and she smiled.

"Morning sunshine. I made you a cup of coffee." She turned her attention back to her book when she'd finished speaking.

Bucky chuckled as he made his way over to the kitchen counter to pick it up.

"Thanks Blondie." 

She smiled as she glanced over her shoulder. Studying Bucky, she seemed altogether satisfied that he wasn't upset or distressed in any matter which was a huge difference from the last time they'd done this, he seemed altogether better tonight which was good. 

"How'd you know I'd be up?" He rose a brow as he spoke to her.

Bobbi shrugged.

"I didn't. I figure your nightmares wouldn't be _as_ bad if you had any at all tonight but insomnia can still be a pain in the ass."

He mulled over her answer for a moment, that sounded perfectly reasonable. She was right of course, his nightmares weren't a factor tonight but his insomnia was; it was like his body was just used to being awake at this point now, it'd take a while to get _out_ of that habit and he was sort of glad he had someone awake too. It meant that he didn't end up dwelling on the darker sides to his thoughts. It gave him someone to just _talk_ to. Aimless conversation... It was surprisingly helpful. She seemed to know how to do aimless conversation better than anyone else.

"What're you even reading anyway?" Bucky spoke as he walked over to sit down beside her.

"Great Expectations." She shrugged. "It's a good story." 

Classic literature was always something that most people could appreciate and Bobbi Morse liked to keep her mind busy. She wasn't the sit around and do nothing type, she got bored way too easily and she needed a break from working through all of the files she'd gotten yesterday. Bucky just laughed and shook his head.

"What?" She turned to look at him as she placed her book down.

"Nothing, I just didn't think you were the classics type." He replied and she rolled her eyes.

"What do you know, old man? You're basically a classic yourself at this point, shut up." 

He laughed as he listened to her speak, this was exactly why he liked Bobbi. She was just different, she didn't ask him a million questions and she wasn't too afraid of him to actually be normal around him like everyone else seemed to be. Everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around him and that bothered him more than he wanted to admit but she didn't, he could actually relax around her and while that was something he wasn't used to, he was appreciative of it.

She'd shown him so far that she truly didn't care about anything he'd done before he'd wound up here, all she cared about was where everyone went from this point onward which was understandable. She cared about who everyone was when they were _here_ because they were technically in her home and she'd let them be here on the proviso that no one was going to hurt anyone else.

She'd proved to be a damn good friend even in the short space of time he'd known her.

"Thanks for earlier by the way." He sounded appreciative as he spoke.

She offered him a gentle smile and reached over to squeeze his knee.

"You don't have to thank me for sticking to what I promised you. i don't break my promises." She was someone that fought very hard to keep them in fact.

"I told you that I'd have your back and I don't intend to break that. Whatever the heck is going on with you two? Like I said: None of my business. You don't owe me anything. I didn't know you before I met you two days ago so that person is pretty much the only person I have any right to ask about." 

"I wish everyone else was as relaxed about stuff as you are." He replied with a nervous smile. 

"I don't know what they're gonna do when everyone gets up." He confessed quietly. "They're all gonna have questions I'm not sure I can answer or that she's ready to answer."

"So don't." Bobbi replied as she watched him. "You don't _owe anyone_ anything. If you don't wanna talk tell them you don't wanna talk."

"Is it that simple?" He questioned with a raised brow and a questioning look.

"Yeah it's that simple, we have house rules for a reason. If you guys want space they give you it." She shrugged.

It all sounded so easy when she put it like that.

"Look I know they're gonna be curious but you've both been through enough and your friends shouldn't be putting you through more just to satisfy their curiosity. You've been through hell and all they should care about is you have something that makes you happy. Nothing else matters. I'm pretty sure the only two that are gonna have questions are Barton and Rogers anyways. I don't wanna know anything you don't wanna tell me, Belova honestly seems like she knows enough already and Sam and Sharon don't know you well enough to want answers out of you. Barton I can handle. He won't argue with me because he knows he won't win. He never wins." Bobbi shrugged with a grin.

He could believe that honestly, Bobbi didn't seem like the kind of person you could win an argument against easily. He could tell just from the brief amount of time he'd spent with the two of them so far that Clint Barton loved Bobbi a great deal but he definitely knew not to challenge her. He could see he wanted to on occasion but it seemed he was smarter than that. She was tough and it seemed like her giving him a hard time was a regular occurrence for the two of them.

"You two seem like you love each other a lot, you and Clint..." Bucky - clearly wanting to change the subject for a little while - offered Bobbi a smile.

"Yeah, we have this whole complicated mess of a thing but he's the love of my life. He's an idiot, he's a pain in the ass but I wouldn't have him any other way. I've been in love with Clint Barton for fourteen years and I don't think that's ever gonna change. I don't think I'm capable of not loving him and he knows it, too. We've been through a lot, divorced, I got married to someone else for a little while but it didn't work out. I was trying to distract myself from the pain I felt after how messy Barton and I left things but it didn't work." She didn't feel all that much for Lance.

She felt bad for that, he was a good guy more or less. Kind of an asshole too but he sort of had a right to be, she hadn't been the best of wives and she'd been rebounding hard from someone that she had been in love with for years. He didn't stand a chance and that was her fault and not his and she owned that. She didn't like herself much for it but she didn't try to shift the blame for it. He hadn't been entirely free of blame either but there was no point in holding to any of that.

Especially not now.

"How'd you guys meet? Through SHIELD?" He was genuinely curious. He supposed it was SHIELD.

"Yeah, they'd saved my ass, I was buried alive after the lab I worked for before that was blown up and everyone else was killed. I was stuck in the rubble for three days before the SHIELD team dug me out and I was taken to their infirmary to heal up. They'd seen my work through some of the papers I'd published and whatever they managed to salvage from the labs computers, knew who I was... They offered me a job. They wanted me to do the whole science-thing but I told them I'd only accept if I was trained to be a field agent too. I didn't want to ever feel like I couldn't save myself again. So, couple of months later I was in the gym and Barton being arrogant because I was a newbie bet he could take me and if he did, I'd go to dinner with him." She laughed as she spoke.

"So, I played along purely because I wanted to kick his ass which I did. He lost _miserably._ He found me later that day in the cafeteria and apologised for the way he'd acted, we wound up talking and I realised in that moment that there was just something about him... So he got his date. Six months later we got married." It all sounded so idealistic when she talked about it.

She wished that it had stayed that simple but it didn't. 

"We were up and down and on and off through that whole time. We finally got our shit together and stopped all of the dumb ass fighting when I was about 27. We're kinda like fire and ice sometimes but we love each other too much to ever give it up forever. I wouldn't know how to be if he wasn't in my life and honestly I don't regret that one bit. He's my best friend, the love of my life even if I do wanna beat the shit out of him almost daily, I wouldn't give it up. I love him too much." She had a smile on her features that was tainted with sadness.

She flicked her eyes to her lap then and released a sigh.

"Four years after that I was shot. I told you about it, the guy I killed afterward... Barton couldn't take it. He hated that I killed someone in cold blood when I had another choice but I didn't take it. He blamed himself for it, he made choices the day I was hurt that he probably shouldn't have made... At least that's what I thought for a while, he told me no matter what he couldn't regret choosing to save me. He made the choice to save me but to make the choice to save me, he had to change me too." She spoke quietly. That was the part of the story that destroyed her just as much as it had destroyed Clint.

Bucky could tell that from the way that she sounded so hurt when she spoke. The anguish and sorrow was all too clear in her voice.

"You don't have to say anything else. It's not my business." Bucky reached over to squeeze her shoulder in an effort to be reassuring.

"It just got messy after I was hurt. Everything got messy. I wasn't me anymore and I guess I'm still trying to figure out who I am now and it was years ago." She supposed she'd spend a long time figuring it out after all of this was over, too.

"So there you go, my messy relationship, my almost-death and my divorce in a nutshell." Leaving out a lot of major details but that was the gist of it anyway.

He watched her as she leaned back in her chair and flipped her book cover open and then closed again, telling however minor a part of her story had quite obviously caused her distress that he felt terrible for, he knew she was just answering his question but he hadn't known it would bring as much pain to her as it had and he felt regret for asking in the first place.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He sounded like a concerned brother. It was... Strange.

"Nah, you didn't know it was so-" She cut off mulling over what to say next.

"Painful?" He offered.

She nodded.

"Yeah, painful is definitely one word for it." Heartbreaking would be another.

"Okay well, how about I tell you some of my story?" He turned slightly to look at her as he spoke.

"You really don't have to." She murmured quietly.

"I know, I want to." He had to tell _someone_ something after all. Why not let it be the person that'd trusted him even if she didn't have to?

"Natalia and I met when I was assigned to train her. She was young, she was only 17. She was... Stubborn. Arrogant, undisciplined and while she had a lot of raw talent she was too overconfident and it'd have gotten her killed. They tried to make me get that out of her but it didn't work. She changed me more than I changed her at first. She pulled something out of me that they tried their best to bury and I didn't understand it for a long time but it stayed there in the back of my mind despite the programming. It gave me something to hold on to." He sounded like he was lost in a memory that made him happy.

That was good. It was good that it wasn't all pain. She was glad it wasn't all pain for him.

"We worked together for a few years after that until we were separated and I was back to solo kill missions and she was- I don't even know. I don't know who or what they made her after that and I'm not sure I want to but the next time I saw her she was 28, it'd been about eight years. She was still as beautiful as ever, still as fiery and she still had that way about her that never made sense to me but broke through everything they put in my head anyway. With her I had a choice. With her I felt human again. I was just a lost soldier without a home until she gave me one. We got two good years together before they found out and tore us apart." 

That. That was when his tone became saddened and pained and she looked over at him and offered a sad smile. Their histories - his and hers alike - were littered with a pain that had changed them just as much as their ordeals had. 

"I guess that's where they changed her. I don't know how it happened, I don't wanna ask her yet in case it hurts her too much to talk about." He'd never want to hurt her. He'd already done that enough.

Just from the vague details he'd given her she could understand the kinds of questions other people would have but she wasn't like them. She'd never press him for a story he didn't want to tell. She hoped someday he'd tell at least someone the whole story but she couldn't blame him if that never happened. She still hadn't told her full story to anyone that wasn't involved in saving her that day.

"You have now and that's all that matters. If you want them to know a story tell them that. They don't need to know anything else. Time doesn't matter, time for some of us is relative anyway." Bobbi replied in a probably failed attempt to be reassuring.

"What do you mean?" Naturally he was curious.

"I was 23 when I met Barton. Do I look 37 to you?" She chuckled and shrugged. "Time is relative. I haven't aged in... Uh.. Six, Seven years? I don't even know. I don't keep track. I can't age and I never will. I told you that it changed me and it did. I'm not like anyone else in the world." 

Time was relative. It didn't matter. He knew she wasn't willing to offer more than that with the tone in which she spoke so he shrugged instead.

"If we had a proper drink I'd say we could toast to being eternally like we are right now." He leaned back against the back of the couch.

"Wouldn't matter, we can't get drunk." She shot back playfully. "We can have a damn good time trying though."

The soft sound of footsteps drew both their attention to the hallway behind them, for a moment Bobbi looked back at Bucky then back toward the hallway as a figure emerged from the shadows and yawned, she rubbed her eyes before she moved them to the two figures sat on the couch.

"Am I interrupting something?" Her soft accented voice broke the silence.

She studied both of them as they both smiled before each shook their head and Bobbi inclined her head to the chair.

"Nope, nightly meeting of the Insomniacs in the middle of freakin' nowhere club. Wanna join?" 

Bucky studied Yelena as she padded toward the two of them and sat down. He didn't trust her even slightly but then he was still unsure on why she'd chosen to defect and leave with Natalia when she had. What was it about that moment that was different? Why had she chosen to leave when she had when she'd had plenty of chances before? She noted him watching her and a smirk crossed her features.

"Oh, don't be so uptight, Soldat. If I wanted any of you dead I could've killed you when you were sleeping however brief a time that was but I didn't. I don't want to hurt any of you. I want to help just like I promised Natalia. I've had enough chances to hurt her too, I could've killed the archer but I didn't. I'm not who I was anymore." She was _trying_ to be the person Natalia had convinced her she could be.

Sitting down, she offered Bobbi a smile and reached over to squeeze her hand.

"Thank you." She sounded sincere as she spoke.

Bobbi exchanged a look with Bucky before she looked back at Yelena.

"What for?" She spoke with a raised brow "I literally haven't done anything beyond let you stay here."

"You gave me a chance even with our rocky history." 

Bobbi rose a brow then but laughed anyway.

"You mean me shooting you and you vowing you'd kill me the next time you saw me? Looks like that changed somewhere along the lines huh?" She poked playfully.

Bucky looked at both of them and quite literally said _Huh?_ which amused both of them. They both laughed.

"I ran into her on one of my missions a couple of years ago. I was trying to save someone, a girl. The daughter of a friend of mine who was taken in by their program when her mom died or more kidnapped and forced into but y'know. So, I bust into the facility solo which was probably dumb but I was mad as hell about it. I ran into her and shot her in the leg because she got in my way, I didn't wanna kill her honestly I didn't wanna kill anyone if I could avoid it. She swore she'd kill me for it but it looks like she isn't gonna." Bobbi grinned as she looked at Yelena.

"I'm sorry for shooting you, you were kinda an asshole so you asked for it but I'm still sorry." 

Yelena just shrugged, she could understand fully why Bobbi had done what she had. She had done what she felt was necessary back then to save someone she cared for and in truth if the roles were reversed Yelena wasn't quite sure she'd have been so merciful. She'd have made them pay in the worst way possible but it seemed just as she'd guessed Bobbi Morse was a better person than she was. 

"What happened to the girl after that?" She couldn't help but ask. If she'd been who she was before she wouldn't have cared but she did now.

"I still take care of her. She's living with my brother and his wife and my nieces but I still take care of her. She's a good kid. She's happy now and safe which is what matters. I send them money and visit when I can." Bobbi had never been particularly maternal but she cared about her friends daughter.

"That is good." Yelena nodded as she spoke. "I am glad she's safe now."

See? Changed. She had changed for the better.

"Well, now that I have both of you here I've gone through a little of the files we got from the compound, from what I've seen so far I can make something that'll block it if it ever happens again and it _should_ balance out the chemicals already in your body. It should lessen the urge to be compliant and it might lessen the triggers. It might give you more of a chance to fight against them." She could only hope anyway, she couldn't be certain without tests.

"But I'm gonna need blood work from both of you. I know you hate needles and neither of you wants anyone else poking at you with anything but I swear to you I won't hurt you. I'm gonna need brain scans too." Both of them would help her see what she was working with.

"And when you've developed a serum?" Bucky questioned.

"I'll need a test subject but I don't want to put either of you two through that so I'll do it. I'll have Sharon or Clint inject me with what they put into the two of you and we'll try to recreate their processes. I can get a machine similar to the ones they use. I have friends in very low places that have friends in even lower places so it's all doable, that way I won't have to put either of you through it. It'll just suck in the process but hey! Not like I'm gonna be programmed to be a killer or anything so it could be worse." In truth she wasn't even sure that was possible.

"Bobbi-" Bucky didn't have the chance to finish speaking because a voice from behind them stopped him in his tracks.

"I'll do it. The groundwork is already in my brain and I haven't been through it for 16 years. It'll be easier to pull me out again because it's weaker than it is in either of you." Natasha looked between Bucky and Yelena.

"So I'll do it. I'll be your test subject." 

"Nat, I don't wanna put you through that..." Bobbi replied apprehensively. 

"You're not putting me through anything I'm offering to do it so they don't have to, so _You_ don't have to. You're helping all of us more than you know so let me help. Let me do this." 

All three of them could tell that Natasha wasn't going to take _No_ for an answer. Each sighed in turn and Bobbi shook her head at her.

"I _don't_ like the idea of messing around in your head..."

"I don't like the idea of you messing around in her head." Bucky replied honestly.

Natasha just rolled her eyes at both of them.

"I trust you, Bobbi. If this'll help make sure this can't happen again then good. I'm good with it. I'll do whatever it takes." She looked at Bucky as she finished speaking.

"If it means they can't hurt you or Yelena again? I'll do anything."

"That's what I'm afraid of." He replied. 

She walked toward him curling up in his lap and she looked up at him. He could tell from her look alone that she was telling him he didn't have to worry about her but from the look in _his_ eyes she knew that wasn't going to happen. 

"And on that note you're coming with me, Belova." Bobbi stood up deciding to give them time together.

"Where are we going?" Yelena replied dubiously.

"I'm gonna teach you how to make breakfast, move your ass." And being summoned toward the kitchen, Yelena frowned before she rolled her eyes and followed anyway.

This little insomniacs club was weird.


End file.
